Monday, January 10, 2022

#100cupsofcoffee // abercrombie 🎸

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating & self-discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

The days since have brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness, boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor. 

"I've never seen Harry Potter, is that why I'm still single?!" What an opening line for someone reaching out to a woman with a Deathly Hallows tattoo. At least he knew where it came from!
Date 0 - I've found that telling people that I call the first date, date 0 is a hindrance. Not one person has taken it in the humorous light that I think of it in. They are always taken aback, try to go with the flow, but I can tell it bothers them.

All that being said, Abercrombie shows up 10 minutes early with his adorable dog in tow and dressed preppy! I had already bought my cup of coffee to avoid the awkwardness of who pays. He sits down with his cup and pup and we proceed to laugh for two straight hours. His first question to me is, "so tell me about your divorce." It is easy to be around him. I very much enjoy our playful banter. I hop onto Hinge and immediately send him my number after the date.

Date 1 - It is the week of Thanksgiving and I don't have a lot of availability, but I want to see him again. He chooses the day after our first date. We meet for wine this time and he buys us a bottle, which turns into two. Our fun playful banter continues and my body feels at ease in his presence. Mid-date I tell him my love language is touch and he starts to do so. 

At the end of the night, he insists on walking me home. We are both drunk and share a kiss in front of my door. I barely remember, but I know I want to do it again. He says he barely remembers it as well and calls it kiss 0. Guess I was funny. ☺️

In between dates, he starts sending me videos of him playing the guitar (swoon) and I send him a song I love, he learns it and sends a video back (double swoon). He loves Dave Matthews Band and send me a few of his songs as well. Sharing music, my second love language! ♓️

Date 2 - Here we get a bit more intimate and serious. We chat about kids, marriage, family and dating. He picks up his phone and jokes about calling Tiffany's, I say Cartier please! 🤣 We sit in a dark corner and he asks if he can move closer. I say, no, yes, I mean no, yes please scoot closer! 🤦🏻‍♀️ We share an swoon worthy kiss. He walks me home again with more kisses in front of my place. He picks me up (swoon) soon, his Uber arrives too quickly. I playfully push him away so he won't miss it.

Our texting starts to slow down and he has to cancel a date because he is sick.

Date 3 - He wants to take me to TopGolf. I'm happy to let him take the lead this time. We end up going back to the spot I picked for date 2. I'm bummed he didn't want to plan something new. For the previous two dates he's been early, so this time, I arrive 10 minutes early. Today he is a few minutes late. It feels a little awkward this time. We had three dates in one week and now it is a week later. FASSSST and then slow. We get drunk again and had a fun time cuddling up on the couch kissing and laughing.

It is the week before he leaves for 2 weeks for Xmas. I have a full schedule but would love to see him. A couple days after our last date he sends me a text: "Hey I need to be honest. I'm not feeling this as much as you are and that's not fair to you. I think we should just be friends. I'm sorry. I wish I had something better to tell you. 😞"

I'm shocked and yet, from the way his texts have lost momentum + he's not trying to make plans I'm not. I reply "Ok thank you for letting me know. Wish you the best."

Lesson: In one week we had three dates. I follow a lady on TikTok who has the same trouble as me for falling for someone quickly. Now I try to take a week in between the first and 2nd date. Plus not texting as much. In the last month, I have already found that it gives us so much more to talk about in person and want to meet in person! I've gone on a few dates since and I finally feel really good about my process!

ps. It usually comes up on dates that I have a blog and the next questions is what do you write about? I don't use names or descriptions in my writing, but if they know, they'd know. With Abercrombie, I had his "name" in my mind and on date 3, he asked if I would write about him. I was torn. I don't want anyone to ask me to, this is for me to share my experiences and takeaways, not for someone else's vanity. 

Soundtrack: Hands Down

Drink more cups here ☕️


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