Saturday, April 10, 2021

#100cupsofcoffee // HRH ☕️


100 Cups Of Coffee is a journey through divorce, dating & self-discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

 

The year 2020 brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness. Soon after leaving my husband, I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s the Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor.

 

I’ve never written an in progress cup. Here we go. But make it tea.

 

2020 has been the year of never ending 1st dates. Did J3 jinx me? My birthday rolls around and I’m deep in a dry spell. Mid-March hits and I find myself eye rolling time and time again. Hinge, over it. Coffee Meets Bagel, not great. Fine Bumble I’ll give you a go. 🐝

 

Swipe, left, left, left, left. Repeat until forever. 

 

Then I stop in my tracks. Cute smile! I smile back to myself! Let's read the bio shall we? I LOL, lots of head nods.

 

SWIPE RIGHT! Finally... 

 

We match!

 

Meet His Royal Highness (HRH) 🇬🇧

 

Now I have to make the first move. Ek. Don’t be boring. We’ve both lived in Denver the same amount of time...try that?

 

Success! 

 

HRH writes back immediately. We chatted for a couple hours, finding so much in common: non skiers! YAS! Hiking, reading (I’m doing my best this year) + he knows about the Libby app I’ve been using, running (we’ve both conquered the ½ marathon), he knows Gavin DeGraw (my spirit guide) and even has a favorite song! We end our intro chat planning to meet up. 

 

The following day I give him my number.

 

HRH texts immediately. 

 

He jumps to the chase and we make plans for Saturday. I love HRH's take charge attitude. The confidence and assertive nature is blowing me away. But today, I am in a weird place. I really enjoy chatting with him, I think we have a lot in common and am excited to meet up on Saturday. I tell him as such and he agrees to my boundaries to text later in the week.

 

I’ll say that again. 

 

He 👏🏻 Agrees 👏🏻 To 👏🏻 My 👏🏻 Boundaries 👏🏻 

 

Cheerfully I might add. It isn’t as common as you would think. One year in, I’m finally seeing it with my own eyes. I knew it existed. 🙏

Later in the week I get the promised check in.


Saturday arrives. We can’t meet up because of a COVID exposure. Better safe than sorry. We make plans for Tuesday and we chat until then only stopping to work and sleep. HRH makes me laugh a lot and I feel hopeful for the first time this year. Since last May. My entire life?


On Tuesday I’m nervous. I don’t feel like myself. Finally the 🍷 kicks in and we LOL for 3 hours. 


As we part ways, my heart smiles. As I arrive home, HRH is texting me for our next meeting. His take charge attitude is coming in 🔥 and I’m here for it.


HRH picks me up Saturday for brunch and the botanic gardens. That’s it my mind says. Short and sweet. HRH will not come up today. We spend the day together. He comes up (sorry, not sorry) and I cannot let him leave without a kiss. Yes, 🔥!


Tuesday we go out to dinner. 


Wednesday he comes over for Thai take-out. I tell him I'm not talking to anyone else. He agrees. 🥰


Saturday I dress to the nines and we go out for another brunch. I could get use to this. A cheers to Prince Phillip 🥂 and internally, to the feels that are flowing through me with every touch of HRH’s hand, each lean in for a tiny kiss on the cheek, head, hand. Every LOL we share. Every subject we align on. My heart begins to melt underneath the spring sun.


After our afternoon together, I delete my dating apps. Bye, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble. I see that HRH has deleted his Bumble too. 🥺


Back in November, I was listening to the Coffee Meets Bagel podcast which asked daters to try this activity: 


What will make me happy long term in a relationship?

Write out 5 things you enjoyed most about the last 5 people you dated

White out 5 things that you disliked most the last 5 people you dated. Invert the dislikes. 

What traits show up more than once?


Here are mine:

Wants a serious relationship +2

Loyal + 1

Career goals + 1 + driven to succeed

Felt financially secure +1

Wants a best friend + 1

Likes Sex + 1

Support me & cheer me on + 1

Confident +1

Good communicator +1

Takes the initiative +1

Truthful

Finds me approachable and inviting

Always learning + self growth

Felt safe

Wants to spend time with me + makes me a priority

Funny

Fitness goals + self motivation

Can’t be boring

Don’t force anything


HRH has them all. 💖 


"I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, how wonderful life is now you're in the world." - Elton John

Monday, January 18, 2021

#100cupsofcoffee // J3 ☕️

100 Cups Of Coffee is a journey through divorce, dating & self-discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

 

The year 2020 brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness. Soon after leaving my husband, I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s a Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor.

This is going to be a doozy so buckle in!!

Thursday, December 24, 2020

2020 the year i wanted but didn't expect


Thinking back on how I started my year, today I am where I wanted to be when I got divorced 5 years ago. Feeling how I wanted to feel and happy and excited to be ever evolving. How did I get to this day in such a tumultuous year? Let’s see….


NYE 2019 held so much wonder and excitement. 2020 was going to be my year. I just knew it. And it was, but not in the way that I was thinking.


January began with our annual girls trip to Mexico. The first sign that this year was going to be different. ⅔ of us made it and I was deathly ill the entire time. But what a place to be ill. Mexico opened my eyes and I came home ready to embrace all of what 2020 had to offer, including starting personal therapy for the first time and simultaneously couples therapy.


February was tough. COVID was creeping in and couples therapy was not working. But personal therapy was. Valentine’s day was full of secrets. I bought myself a present to remind myself that I needed to love myself first above all.


March I had the best birthday ever with the best friends ever. They always make me feel loved and special. Through it all they are the constant loves of my life.


April’s lockdown was the most eye opening 4 weeks of my life. I realized what I could not accept in a partnership. And knew that the end was near. May 4th it came to realization.

May 9th I was in my new apartment. I knew it was the right path but it still felt incredibly painful. My entire life I searched for others to love me. I finally realized I need to start bringing the love to me and for me. Just me in this moment of realignment.


At the beginning of the summer I began Conscious Leadership, dove into the enneagram, worked to heal my co-dependency, traveled and explored the world around me and in me. Through travel + therapy and tunes I began to heal and love me for me.

#100cupsofcoffee and a season later, I was able to think about opening my heart again. Full of self love, compassion and a willingness to let go of timelines and tensions. To let my newer found strength be my guide.


And so I sit here on my 1st ever Christmas Eve alone, cinnamon rolls rising in the wings and I’m thankful that I can take the time to enjoy and reflect on my process and my progress through this year of change, growth and love.


I love me. My house. My space, energy. My friends. My career. 2021 watch out, I'm ready for you. 2020, I thank you.