Tuesday, June 15, 2021

#100cupsofcoffee // rocketman πŸš€

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating & self-discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

The year 2020 brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness. Soon after leaving my husband, I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s the Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor.

After HRH I needed a break. I had fallen hard quickly, as Pisces do and it took a week to bounce back to being myself again. Thankfully I had a big project at work to dive into.

Flash forward a month πŸ—“ still nada from HRH...

Time to bring back the apps. Remind me NOT to delete these until a relationship becomes exclusive. Wow, is it a mentally exhausting to just set them all up again. I needed a break after that. Then, swiping, swiping with no end in sight.

Out of the 3 apps I use, I do not match with many people on Coffee Meets Bagel. But this cutie had me at physical touch and foot massages. Say hello to Rocketman. πŸš€

Our first date was the number 1 in a series of 3 back to back dates for me with 3 different people. Even saying that now, sounds exhausting. It was. But, I was ready to hit the ground running after a month break. I expected Rocketman to be the 3/3 contender but immediately discovered he was the front runner. πŸ₯‡ The other guys didn’t even stand a chance.

Rocketman and I’s energy agreed from the first hug. We went through most of the big questions on date one. Kids, marriage, work, passions, independence. We even stared into each other's eyes for 30 seconds. Yikes. I could have easily fallen night one. I gotta keep that Pisces energy in check 🀣

A misplaced kiss aside my car ended our Thursday evening. Night one, I couldn't feel awkward around him. πŸ₯°

Sunday brought a spontaneous afternoon together. He is such a tender and loving person, who could also make me laugh, get my heart racing in his fast car and make me swoon when he sings to me. On top of all that, I’ve never had someone fulfill my love language needs until Rocketman. πŸ’–

Tuesday night he cooked me spaghetti and we celebrated his birthday. I brought champagne, cake + surprised him with a birthday candle. It felt special to sing to him and to have him embrace it with genuine appreciation. We agreed to be intimate for the first time that night and it was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. His care, passion and vulnerability. I could have spent forever in that moment. πŸ₯°

Tuesday he suggested we get dressed up! We had a gorgeous night out ending back at my place expanding our phenomenal physical connection. Because of how free he was, I felt safe to give that in return. Something I always wanted, but never experienced.

Two weeks pass...πŸ—“

It feels like friends reuniting. Comfortable, easy. 

I’ve had “the conversation” with him in my head for the past two weeks. I decided to leave it so we can get back to knowing each other. Instead he brings it up and my anxious heart is grateful. 

He encourages me to be honest about my relationship needs and boundaries. It is tough. I try to convince myself that I can have a casual relationship with him, but, once the night become intimate, I know it is not true. I told him so. We cuddle, hug and kiss. It is a gentle and peaceful goodbye. Sad. But I know that I made a decision that is will keep my heart at peace. πŸ’–

Megan’s Relationship Needs: Rocketman EditionπŸš€

Wants a serious relationship
✅  Loyal (in a way that he was fully transparent and cared about me as a person)
✅  Career goals + driven to succeed
✅  Financially secure
Best friend (in the end I felt like we could have gotten there)
✅  Sex positive + consent focused
✅  Support me + cheer me on
✅  Confident
✅  Good communicator
✅  Takes the initiative
✅  Truthful
✅  Finds me approachable + inviting
✅  Always learning + self growth
✅  Felt safe
Wants to spend time with me + make me a priority
✅  Funny
✅  Fitness goals + self motivation

Lesson: Asserting boundaries is not easy! If you have someone willing to listen and respect them, that is a person you can trust. Sometimes those boundaries don’t align and the tough conversations become the best self care you can give yourself. Thank you, self for doing the hard work. Thank you self, for doing what is best for you. Thank you, Rocketman for accepting what was right for me in a kind and caring way. 😘 Here's the song I picked for us.

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