Friday, October 16, 2020

#100cupsofcoffee // gone rogue ☕️

100 Cups Of Coffee is a journey through divorce, dating & self discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015, when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

 

2020, brought all the self love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy and a new found self awareness. Soon after leaving my husband I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s a Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor.

 

Ok here we go eharmony time. THAT is where people are serious right? Inspired by Ocean Eyes' sister and brother in law, #relationshipgoals, I decided to get serious on the site. Back in July when I signed up, there was one person out of all my matches that I wanted to talk to. One. But I couldn’t message that ONE until I paid and in July I wasn’t ready to commit to that.

 

I did my 100 days/cups of not dating and then I was ready. $237.24 later, I was able to message him. We hit it off right away and set up a virtual date on the site. This was my first date with a stranger in 5 years! WOW! So you can guess it was a little awkward. Lots of long pauses. The background of his house wasn’t too clean. But he was super cute and in the end we decided to meet in person.

 

He spoke with his friends to find a good recommendation and sent me the time and place! Bravo.👏🏼

We ended up at Syrup next to City Park. One, I adore breakfast. Two, City Park is my favorite in all of Denver. Mimosas were served and we were off to the races talking about anything and everything. The conversation this time flowed easily, enhanced by the alcohol and lively environment. 

 

Quickly things change. Get ready for a controversial topic! During our walk around the park, he mentioned, I’m not remembering why, that he had guns. And automatic ones at that. Right away my body reacted. I grew up around guns, I was fine with guns, but I wasn’t sure I wanted them in my life. I flashed back to Ocean Eyes having one. I never felt he properly and confidently knew how to own one.

 

Moving back to being curious and present, I decided to feel what I was feeling and try to see if I could see if the opposite of how I felt could also be true. Then we landed on the election. He said he was voting for neither candidate because of gun policy. Here I couldn't pass. 

 

I knew I was liked him. And I wondered if we had met after the election if I could have gotten past any of this. But the time was now and the answer for me was no. 

 

We had a second date without any sparks. And that was that.

 

Did I really pay $237.24 to be dumped? 🤷🏻‍♀️

 

In all seriousness, I was super impressed by the way he stepped up in breaking it off. He took the time to call me. Luckily we were both on the same page. A true and healthy adult dating experience. Thank you.

 

Lesson learned: There are good people out there. But not everyone can be your person.

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