Saturday, May 9, 2020

#100cupsofcoffee // day 1 (again) ☕

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating and self discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

The days since have brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness, boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor. 

Here I go again on my own...
But this time unwillingly. Kicking and screaming. Sobbing. But there is a tiny voice inside that knew this day would come. 

It takes 4 days I set up my new life. All while doing my job + COVID.

I pack up my things. Find an apartment, set up the bills. On auto pilot the entire time. Because I have to. Because deep down I want to. The feeling was always there. Very tiny. Very present. But being comfortable in a relationship is so much easier than listening to what you really want out of a relationship.

I tell the least amount of people possible. I power through. 

My best friend brings me an early morning coffee and helps me move out and into my new place. We get everything set up the same day. I don't want to stop. If I stop that meant I have to feel. And I just want to be settled. 

Slowly but surely the feelings come. I let them. I feel them all. In 100 days I know I'll feel better. I cannot wait to see that day. Until then tears fill my coffee cup.


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