Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Figuring Out My Place In Time & Space: 6 Ways To Create Confidence

I've never considered myself a brave person. I've mostly floated through life. Did good in school, participated enough, got married young, and settled into the role of the good house wife. All the while never figuring out if I really wanted that role at all. Just doing what was the "next step" in this thing called life.

I did want it.

For a bit.
Then I turned thirty. My husband and I were trying for children unsuccessfully and things took a surprising turn when he lost his job and we were forced to move from our safe comfortable San Diego to the bright lights and big city of Los Angeles. Soon, I was left alone in this new city while he began to settle into his new job. It was in that alone time that I began to figure out what I wanted out of my life. Alone time will always allow that. Time to think. And here's what I thought:

*Why did we have to move to LA? I almost resented the fact. I loved San Diego, my home, my job, my friends. My comfort.

*Why was I not getting pregnant? There must be a reason. Good or bad.
*I was finally ready for a career. I never had to have one before because my husband was the breadwinner and the wife stayed at home. That is what I saw growing up and I followed suit. When thirty hit, I felt the push from inside to finally begin focusing on my writing, photography and social media. AKA The Nerdy Girlie brand which I had been developing over the course of three years.
*My husband had always felt more like a friend. He had always taken care of me monetarily. We had fun times together, but I never received enough of the love and affection that I craved since the beginning of our relationship. {What do you need out of a romantic relationship? Take The 5 Love Languages test. It is an eye opener as to what you need and what your partner needs and what you need to give to each other to make them feel loved and appreciated. My love language is: physical touch.}

Here is how I began to grow my confidence and how I hope you can, too.
lightbulb moment.

1. Something felt off and I was finally ready to acknowledge it.

For me anyways. It was a complete shock to my husband. Which I guess right there can tell you how much on different pages we were with our relationship wants and needs. Monetarily we had everything. We were happy people, but I always felt like something was missing. I'd expressed it multiple times throughout the course of our fourteen year relationship:

I crave affection. I love taking care of people and I love feeling appreciated for it. I took care of him and him me, but I didn't feel appreciated for it. And when I decided to stop doing those things {dinners, chores, affection} it finally became noticed. But it didn't become appreciated, it became oh well-ed. Not the the outcome I was hoping for.
hello from the other side.

2. Listen to your gut.

I denied my gut for a long while. Two years long. The moment of my self-realization I was finally ready to listen, trust and follow my gut. It was all very new and scary, but what I quickly learned was that the more scary decisions I made, talks I had, questions I asked, the easier they became. If I could decide to leave my husband, finding a job would be easy. Easy in the sense that I was now ready to do the hard work. Finding a job isn't easy, which I've come to find out. But when I decided to not worry about what others thought about my life, decisions that made me happy came easier. And isn't that what life's about? Making yourself happy? No one else is going to live your life for you. If you are not happy, assess your situation and make the necessary changes.
coffee & pie always help.

3. Talk it out...

It is never a good idea to keep everything bottled up. It took some hard talks with my now ex-husband to help me finally figure out what I want and need out of a life partner, how to communicate that and how to accept and be happy with the care I've always craved. Keeping an open and honest line of communication from the start will help you grow as a person and keep all of your relationships strong. Choose your words carefully, not maliciously, and listen as well as speak.
just do it.

4. So...you can do what is right for you.

Only you know what that is. It takes you back to step number two, follow your gut. Communicate and make those difficult decisions. I never thought my marriage would end. I never thought I'd move in with an uncle I hardly knew and I never thought I'd leave California for Colorado. Divorce happens. People who care about you step up and help you out when you are down, and if you take a chance it pays off and contributes to building up your courage.
smile in the face of uncertainty.

5. That choice could change your life.

I went from a married woman with no career, to a single woman living on her own for the first time time, working towards her dreams. Writing in all of my spare moments, applying to new jobs daily, working four part-time jobs and building and fostering new and meaningful relationships. I cannot believe I am the same person! I guess I'm not. I'm a new and improved version all because I took a huge courageous leap.

6. Repeat as many times as it takes.

With each cycle of tough decisions {divorce}, choices {moving to another state}, chances {opening my heart again}, I've built up courage. In a year I've gone from not speaking from my heart, avoiding hard truths, continuing unfulfilling relationships to always telling the truth, asking for the difficult advice and searching for the best place for me.
Get this empowering tee at Jordandene.

If a girl...woman like me can do it, you definitely can! Let's push ourselves together!

{I am forever Figuring Out My Place In Time And Space. Learn and grow with me by reading my other heart felt and often over sharing articles!}


Danielle Knapp said...

I love this post so so much - thank you for bearing your heart and sharing :)

gamerwife said...

Great advice. I find that sometimes as women we are discouraged from trusting out guts, accused of being too emotional, etc. But I've always regretted when I didn't trust my gut.

darolf said...

Love this, such great advice and super inspirational!
I've been trying to listen to my gut recently about my career. It's hard but it'll be worth it :)

Megan Gotch said...

Thank you so much! You can do it girl! xx

Megan Gotch said...

Thank you babe! xx

Megan Gotch said...

Thank you for reading Danielle!! I love writing stuff like this. xx

Mallory @ bad.wolf.brunch said...

Hey Girl - these posts make me so happy!! Keep pushing on and chasing those dreams!
PS are you coming in for Wondercon??

Kay said...

Good for you Megan! Relationships can be so tricky. And it can be so hard sometimes to figure out if you're truly happy in a long term situation or if you've just become complacent. And complacency can so kill a relationship. Trusting your gut is SO important. Good for you for taking control of your life, and getting where you want to be!

Megan Gotch said...

Kay, thank you so much for you kinds words! I'm doing the best for me and it seems to be working out. I just hope others can do the same! xx

Megan Gotch said...

Thank you babe so much! No Wondercon for me sadly! Hope you had a great birthday! xx

Emily said...

Love this! I'm working on figuring out all these things right now myself, so you give me hope! :D

Megan Gotch said...

Thank you Emily and good luck babe! You can do it! xx

Nina said...

You're so inspiring, Megan! You give me hope <3

Megan Gotch said...

Nina you are amazing! Thank you for being my friend! You got this babe! xx

Liana Kangas Neff said...

I've followed your blog for a bit now (I love it), but this is the first time I've truly read something and felt impacted by it so I felt like a reply should be warranted. Currently relating to a few of these bullet points puts in perspective to me that you putting yourself out there must be extremely difficult but insanely supportive and inspiring for a lot of women that need it. Opening up on the internet, whether it be susceptible to criticism or open for support (whatever it may be), is really brave. I really appreciate and commend you for writing such an honest and openly supportive post (it helps me) and I hope to return the favor some day to you or someone else that may need it. /end emotional comment rant


Megan Gotch said...

Liana. Wow. Thank you so much for that comment. I'm crying, fyi. Your words truly mean so much to me. I love writing pieces like this. They are super scary, but I always hope for the reaction you just gave me. I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. It means the world to me. xx

Mandy Stone said...

You are such an inspiration and you have NO idea how BADLY I needed to read this RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT. *HUGE LOVING HUGS*

Megan Gotch said...

Mandy. I am so happy you had a chance to read this. That I had a chance to write this. And the bravery to post it. I am thankful you shared your words with me! Thank you it means the world. xx

Leah Chiasson said...

I am so proud of you! I feel as though I am, too, living a life in some kind of stasis. I'm following the motions of life without truly being present and working towards what I want. Thank you so much for writing this!

Megan Gotch said...

Wow Leah. Thank you so much for writing this! Good luck and you got this girl!! xx

Heather Marie said...

Wow, how brave! I commend the courage it took for you to a.) make all of these decisions and b.)share them with the world. It can be scary to open yourself up and share you're most vulnerable parts on the Internet. I hope to gather the courage someday! You've touched a lot of people in the best way possible. Keep listening to your gut!

dePepi said...

I loved this post: personal and moving. It is very brave to sit down and write all of this, with an open heart. Congrats for becoming an independent, strong and creative woman! Things happen for a reason. Even when they look gloomy, there's always something positive around the corner. Thank you for writing this! <3

Megan Gotch said...

Wow. Thank you babe! It is so scary writing this, but I just have to! I'm so happy that I can share and help in any little way! xx

Megan Gotch said...

Heather, thank you so much for taking the time to write these words to me. They mean so much! You got this babe! You can do it too! xx

dePepi said...

I'm glad you're sharing your experience. I'm sure you're helping many others with your words and by being this brave! xoxo

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