Friday, May 8, 2020

#100cupsofcoffee // day 1 (again) ☕

 
100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating and self discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015, when I decided to leave my ex-husband and again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me on May 4th, 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

2020, has brought more love for myself. I'm proud of where I've come guided by therapy and self awareness. Hello meditation! Soon after leaving my husband I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s a Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. Let the games begin.

Starbucks Whole Bean. New home, living room, Denver, CO. French Press.

Here I go again on my own...
But this time unwillingly. Kicking and screaming. Sobbing. But there is a tiny voice inside that knew this day would come. 

It takes 4 days I set up my new life. All while doing my job + COVID.

I pack up my things. Find an apartment, set up the bills. On auto pilot the entire time. Because I have to. Because deep down I want to. The feeling was always there. Very tiny. Very present. But being comfortable in a relationship is so much easier than listening to what you really want out of a relationship.

I tell the least amount of people possible. I power through. 

My best friend brings me an early morning coffee and helps me move out and into my new place. We get everything set up the same day. I don't want to stop. If I stop that meant I have to feel. And I just want to be settled. 

Slowly but surely the feelings come. I let them. I feel them all. In 100 days I know I'll feel better. I cannot wait to see that day. Until then tears fill my coffee cup.

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