Monday, March 21, 2022

#100cupsofcoffee // buffalo bill & the endless date 收

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating & self-discovery. 


My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.


The days since have brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness, boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor. 


I get into dating phases where I push myself too much. As an Enneagram 2 “The Helper” I sometimes forget to to take care of myself more than others.


Buffalo Bill and I matched on Hinge December 18th, 2021. He talked a LOT about his documentary, gave me LA vibes, he even sent it for me to watch.


Flash forward to January 8th he finally asks me out. But for the same day. I’m not a fan of showing I’m available last minute even if I am, so I suggest the following day.


Backstory: I had been dedicating most of my time the previous 5 days searching for my best friend's lost dog, she was out of town. I was spent emotionally and physically. My best friend who had been searching alongside me, told me to cancel. Being the Helper, I kept it.


We had a nice conversation. I wasn’t didn't feel like I gave my best, but he wanted to continue. After an hour, I cut the date short to take care of myself. I thought I wouldn't mind seeing him again, but didn't plan on pursuing it.


Two weeks later, he texts saying he’s "been thinking of me." I have two prospects expiring and one who I was excited about, but ghosted me, so I had capacity. He plans for us to meet a week later, purchases us tickets to Meow Wolf and plans for us to meet for a drink beforehand. OK, I'm here for the initiative!


On Uber to our date, I keep repeating “I’m excited about this date. I’m excited about this date.” I saw something on Instagram that said if you did that, you’d get to a place of excitement. I was worried that I’d not have a great time at the drink and then had to spend hours with him at Meow Wolf. He arrives at the bar and immediately says I look beautiful. He looks more handsome than I remember. I’m smitten right away. Drinks go well and he asks to kiss me. The kiss was good and now I’m excited for Meow Wolf with him.


This time he got the longer date. I was having fun, he was cute and we had an amazing attraction. So we get more drinks. And we end up back at my place. It’s 3AM when we both pass out. It was so lovely to have cuddles and kisses all night. I never wanted to wake up.


In the morning, I make us coffee and ask him, “When was the last time you stayed the night at someone’s place?” He stumbles through a non-answer. We sit down on the couch and sip our coffee. He admits he was embarrassed to say that it was only 3 weeks ago. I was like totally ok! We only met 3 weeks ago. But I lay down the boundary that I will not have sex with someone who is having sex with multiple people.


He replies, “I am sad that I’ll never see you again when I walk out your door.”


I take a pause and say, “We've really have had only one date and don’t really know each other. Would you consider taking sex off the table and continue to get to know each other?” He agrees and asks me to breakfast. 


I drive us to breakfast, we talk about him meeting my friends soon.


I dropped him off at 3PM the day after our date began. I drove away and got a call from him. “I found a pin from your jacket stuck on the bottom of my shoe.” 


“I’ll get it next time I see you.” 


I never did.


Lesson: First dates are no longer than two hours.


Soundtrack: NEVER REALLY MINE


Drink more cups here ☕️

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