Monday, March 28, 2016

100 Cups Of Coffee: #9

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating and self discovery. 

A little background reading and information for you all. My single life journey began a year ago, when I decided to leave my husband. I cannot believe that. It feels like yesterday and forever ago. It feels like I've been alone forever and that I've not had enough time alone.

One year ago this weekend was the weekend that I had finally told my husband that I was leaving him. I didn't want to go to Wonder Con. I didn't want to be happy. I couldn't. But with a little help from my friends, I found some happiness and was happy for a moment in time.
9. Wonder Con. Anaheim, CA. French press black coffee.

I have said everything that I could have ever said, more times than I could ever say it. I have used all the words, and he has none to give back.

I began my first full time job I had in years at Cinemark on the day I told my husband I needed a break. From then on I cried on my drive home each day from work, knowing I was coming home to a feeling of despair hanging heavily throughout our cramped LA apartment.
Because of those raw feelings, I almost backed out of going to Wonder Con in Anaheim, CA, which was usually one of my favorite events of the year. But how could I be in my happy place if I wasn’t happy?
With the help of my editor and friend at High Voltage magazine, Chelsea, I pushed myself to attend anyway. And I am glad that I did. Throughout the course of the weekend, I have brief moments of happiness. Most of them brought on my my new Pisces Soul Sister Kristen. This is the first chance we’ve had to get to know each other and we click immediately. We both get all the emotions, which is why we are perfect friends, but she can put them into logic, unlike me. She helps me make sense of my emotions.  
It is a relief to get away from my reality for a brief moment because I know upon my return I will be leaving the apartment, and the life, I have shared with my husband for fourteen years.
It is the end of first day of Wonder Con, and I need alone time to decompress. I find a hidden bench, lay down, and stare up at the stars, blowing my cigarette smoke up into the oblivion. I try to imagine the new path my life is about to take. It is so foreign to me that my heart can’t comprehend a life without my husband. 
Until my mind can.
Drink in more cups HERE!


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