Tuesday, February 23, 2016

100 Cups Of Coffee: #80

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating and self discovery. 

A little background reading for you all. My single life journey began a year ago, when I decided to leave my husband. I cannot believe that. It feels like yesterday and forever ago. It feels like I've been alone forever and that I've not had enough time alone.

In this past year, I've found more love for myself. I'm proud of where I've come in a year and the life I've created for me. The end of November 2015 I left LA. I needed an escape. I needed to figure out this life I was trying to lead void of the Tinder trap. I decided to see if Denver could be a fit for my new life. I went into that trip serious about discovering that. Open to anything. 

80. Onefold. Denver, CO. Latte. Sunday December 6th, 2015.

My best friend Liz and I woke late in the day on my first weekend in Denver. I would be spending the entire month with her and this was our first moment to take a breathe and relax after my arrival three days prior. 

We put on our most basic white girl outfits: leggings, scarves and Uggs. I double up on my sweaters and throw on leg warmers because Los Angeleno in COLD a$$ Denver, and we head out for what I thought was to be a girls brunch. My first few days with Liz had been enlightening, exciting and exhausting. I slowly begin to come around to the decision that Denver could be my home. 
Then, out of nowhere, his piercing blue eyes lock with mine and the ocean of my beloved Los Angeles comes rushing back to me. This wasn't to be an all girls brunch like I had though. Trying to stay in my focused girl boss mindset, I force myself engage with my girl friends and make myself remember why I came to Denver in the first place. It didn't matter he barely made eye contact with me anyway, even when I offered to share my breakfast tacos with him. 

Yes I said breakfast tacos. 

DEAD. Brunch consumed, new friends made, we all part ways. With hugs of course!

Once back in the car with Liz, I casually mentioned that Ocean Eyes was pretty cute. Immediately she grabs her phone to text his friend and tell her what I had just said. And without my knowing Liz sends my number through the grapevine to Ocean Eyes. Moments later after some thought, I told her she could…

”Yeah I already did that,” was her response and I love her for it.

He texted a few hours later. 

Immediately I asked him out to dinner for very night, I did only have a month in Denver, so I thought. Throughout our entire dinner I felt like I was being friend zoned. So I put myself out there and invited myself over to his house by asking innocently how far it was from our current location. 

What? I needed to understand the Denver neighborhoods if I was going to live there. Am I right? Plus he had a kitty and I wanted to snuggle her so hard. Maybe him a bit too, or just stare into those intense eyes. 

For one very long hour, I got the tour of his house, made small talk and TRIED to make it obvious that I wanted him to kiss me. I never got the vibe that he wanted to be more than just friends, until he finally did kiss me. 
Thats when I began to get scared. Scared because I wasn't spending the month in Denver to meet someone. I came to make a life for me and then meet someone. I’m scared because my friends know him, trust him and I trust them. I’m scared that I’m going to be the bad guy when I leave. I’m scared how much I love seeing his name pop up on my phone. Thank God I don't have my own form a transportation while I'm here. I like being at the whim of Liz. I love seeing the life she’s built for herself. I want that. 

Now I think I want Ocean Eyes too.

Drink in more cups HERE!


  1. Danielle KnappFebruary 23, 2016

    Ohhh...can't wait to hear more about how things go with Ocean Eyes <3

  2. This post makes me so happy.

  3. I'm just going to repeat what everyone else is saying. I love this so much.

  4. I'm moving to Denver tomorrow....

  5. Awww thank you Danielle!! xx

  6. Aw thanks Erin! Love ya babe! xx

  7. You guys look like you have simular smiles. I hear that's a very good omen of things to come ^_^

  8. Awww that is so sweet! Thank you babe!! xx

  9. Oh honey! I'm so thrilled you made a connection that makes you happy. Try not to get caught up in what you plan for yourself vs how your life is unfolding. One of my favourite sayings is "follow your fear" so if you're scared of how you feel it's probably because it's important and you should pay attention to it!

  10. Nikita, babe thank you so much! I LOVE that quote! xx

  11. So happy for you! I know we're in kind of the same boat, and I'm happy to say I met my own "Ocean Eyes" too (except my guy has beautiful dark brown eyes like me haha) Crazy how quickly everything changes!