Saturday, November 6, 2021

#100cupsofcoffee // blasé blasé ☕️

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating & self-discovery. 

My single journey began in 2015 when I decided to leave my husband & again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me in May 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

The year 2020 / 2021 brought all the self-love. I'm proud of where I am, guided by therapy, and a newfound self-awareness. Soon after leaving my husband, I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s the Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. May the odds be ever in my favor.

After Wooly Willy I did my typical line 'um up and knock 'em down dating strategy. This time 5 dates in 1 week…yeah. Just don’t. blasé was the 4th date and I just couldn't do it and we ended up rescheduling.

Date 1. Late. (come to find out he lives a block away and waiting until I arrived to walk over) He doesn't ask me many questions, but he has such an amazing smile and we joke about this VERY drunk dude. I leave thinking 🤔. We high five and I start my walk back home. I love walking my neighborhood. 😍

Date 2. Late again. I still feel like 🤷🏻‍♀️, but it isn’t horrible so we go to a 2nd spot for a glass of 🍷. He drops me off afterwards and we end the night on a passionate note. CANCEL EVERYONE ELSE!!!!🔥

After date 4 we have no plans on the calendar. Then HRH texts me out of nowhere 4 months later. 24 hours later I break it off with blasé. All I can do is cry. CRYYYYYYYYYYY. HRH never texts back and 2 days later, I’m crawling back to blasé, he accepts.

Weeks of 1 night a week dates go bye. No plans coming from him and if they are they are same day. I'm chasing and jumping at the chance to hang with him. Finally, I plan for us to go camping together. I imagine everything changing, but it's all downhill from here.

After 18 months of not introducing any men to my BFFs, I give blasé the chance. 

He fails big time. 

We end up walking home an hour after getting drinking downtown. It is freezing and he won’t help get us an Uber, but not for my lack of trying. Thanks AT&T. We finally make it back to his house and he says I should head home. This time Uber comes through at 3AM. I'm happy to sleep cozy and alone. 

Don’t worry, it gets better... 

The next day, I reach out to see how he’s feeling. He says horrible and proceeds asks for cash so he can purchase weed. His car is still parked at my house from the night before so (I’m tooooooooo nice y'all) I go get the money, pick him up and drop him off at his car. I get a single thank you via text. Nothing the rest of the day. 

Monday arrives and he continues his song and dance about how we don’t spend enough time together without actually doing anything about it. I switch up my calendar so we can have Tuesdays together moving forward. Tuesday night at 8:30PM he cancels. Thursday he proceeds to cancel our Saturday plans to Meow Wolf (I bought tickets a month in advance). AND NOW I'm done.

Saturday before I head to Meow Wolf with The Music Maven I text him our 2nd break up.

His unconcerned, blasé reaction, “I think that we see the same thing. I wish you the best as well.”

Lesson: Reflect often. 

Alcohol and chronic, yeah, that's all we want, feels like the perfect summary.

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