Tuesday, August 25, 2020

#100cupsofcoffee // gandhi ☕

100 Cups Of Coffee is my journey through divorce, dating and self discovery. 

A little background reading for you all about 100 Cups Of Coffee. My single journey began in 2015, when I decided to leave my ex-husband and again when Ocean Eyes broke up with me on May 4th, 2020. It all feels like forever ago. The ghosts of a life in transition.

2020, has brought more love for myself. I'm proud of where I've come guided by therapy and self awareness. Hello meditation! Soon after leaving my husband I was ready to find the love I felt I never received. I quickly fell into the Tinder trap. Today it’s a Bumble bubble. Will I find my person this time around? Boundaries in place. Let the games begin.

Starbucks Whole Bean. Home, Bed, Denver, CO. French Press.


Let’s give this a go. Again.

Match? Meh. eHarmoney? Pay?! Coffee Meets Bagel? Potential. Bumble? Too easy. 


I swipe through profiles, preparing for an interview. How’s your resume? Complete? Compelling? What about that profile pic? Ugh, seriously? ANOTHER mirror selfie. Men, come check out soona and our headshots for all. We got you. Now back to our regularly scheduled cup.


Does he check the boxes? Time to move onto the question and answer portion. Here is where Ghandi enters. Unlike EVERY OTHER MAN wanting to meet right away in a pandemic, he was willing to build a foundation of positivity and joy. We texted until the weekend when he flew to Washington for a meditation retreat.


Now I’m the one who wants to meet too soon. But good things are worth the wait.


New to meditation and self awareness myself, I loved picking his brain. It felt like I was talking to a genuine match. I couldn’t wait to meet when he got back. When was that again?


Then it happened. 


A LOOOOOOONG TEXT…...this is never good…..ending with “I just want to inform you as best I can where my life seems to be headed at the moment so you can make your own informed decisions about how you would like to proceed.”


JUST after I wrapped up my weekly therapy session. 


Now what? I’m on my own! 


What do I do? Take a second. Work comes first. 


Ok, it’s nearing the end of the day. "Thank you so much for your transparency now and from the beginning! I very much appreciate and value it. It is not a common trait I am quickly learning! I’ve very much enjoyed connecting with you and wish you the very best on where your life is taking you! I’ve been trying to craft a response all day and I’m still unsure of what I want to express but I wanted you to know that I’m not ghosting you because I know how that feels and it is shitty!”


Ok time to think. WWMTD (what would my therapist do). I had to end it. Boundaries activate. 


And guess what?


Just like from the start, two weeks ago (That’s it? It felt so much longer!) He was kind and caring in his response. “I believe we always draw to us those that help us see ourselves deeper so we can grow in awareness. If nothing else, maybe you and I crossed paths, digitally at least, to share our journeys and find new light for growth along our path.”


Respecting my boundaries and wishing me the best. And I him. Boundaries work people. When you meet the right people. Even digitally.


Now to take my road trip truly alone. Just like I said I would.


Drink more cups here.

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